The closeness between us 3.
The Buns howls when I go out, like a wolf, I'm only going to buy food, pick something up, or an appointment, these days not going anywhere else.
The Tunes joins in, I feel it stresses her out big time when The Buns howls because she's not vocal nor cries like this but she joins in with her little squeals.
How do I know? The neighbour told me. I started recording them on audio so I can hear what's happening.
It is a lot to deal with on top of trying to stay up right.
Losing Mum was horrendous, it was so quick, followed by caring for Dad and his next steps, then your diagnosis, surgeries, treatments, Dad then passed away and nearly 8 months later, you.
2 years and 2 months
You're all gone.
I sit and observe myself, I am stunned.
The grief of losing you all, one after the other is cruel.
Losing you, my husband, is off the charts, it is an out of body experience.
I watch myself be. Talking, interacting, appearing.
I have no vision, I see the next moment and that's it.
The future and what it holds and what I want is blank.
I wanted to have a life with you.
We were going to grow old together.
You did a great impression of you and me as OAP's walking down the road together.
Tears flow rapidly, I look at your photo and they stream.
These two miss you we'd love you to come through the door singing 'Allo.allo allo allowalla walla.'
Where Did You Go?
Writing my way through the grief of losing my Husband in Nov 2021,
Dad April 2021 and
Mum September 2019.